BLOG SERIES: DIARY OF A SINGLE MOM | THE BEGINNING

I have been thinking over and over again about sharing my journey of being a single mother here on the blog. I have written so many drafts but doesn’t have the courage to publish it. As much as possible I want it to be positive since I want to inspire not just the single moms but to all the moms, soon to be mom and to those who wanted to be a mom. Let me start this blog series with a question,“HOW DO I BECAME A SINGLE MOM?”.

Three years ago, I met someone, fell in love, got pregnant and was left behind. Sh*t happens, but trust me when I'll say I was the happiest when I found out that I was pregnant. I actually prayed for it, it was an answered prayer. I was 26 years old that time, an ideal age to get married and have kids but life is full of surprises. There are plenty of questions ran into my head, like, How will I tell my parents? What will I tell them? Will I ever survive all the negative feedback from my relatives and colleagues? I breathe heavily and told myself "I'll tell them the truth no matter what it takes" and crossed my fingers. I called my bestfriend, She's the first one I have confide on. She's happy for me and at the same time she's a little scared. She knows my father really well and I'm scared too but I needed to be strong.

Then I called my 2 older sisters, it was a step by step process. Their first question was "Where's the father?", I'm about to faint when they asked me, honestly I really don't know what to answer, I simply said "Well, he's out of the picture, I'm raising my baby by myself, I have been waiting for this gift, I wanted this, just don't ask me why, let's just say he's not ready to be a father", deep inside I was crying, I was hurt, I was devastated yet I have to be strong for my baby. Our conversation was really serious, I can't help but to shed my tears. My sisters kept on asking me why and I just let them say what they wanted to say.

Fast forward, I needed to face my parents. They asked me the same question but I only let my tears fall. I can't utter any words, I know I am hurting them, I can't move an inch, I let them talk. In my mind I kept on telling myself, "sshh, be strong, you have to be positive, you have to think about the baby", my dad was so angry and disappointed and was telling me so many things which I can't barely hear because I don't want to listen, then I heard my mom telling my father "we can't do anything about it anymore, we'll just support her and be with her" my mom was in tears when she uttered those words, I can no longer control my emotions, I just cried.

After that conversation, I was relieved. That was the hardest part yet I was able to open it up with them. I was able to sleep well after that. The day after that, we were having a breakfast my dad told me in a calm voice "I know you are a good daughter and a good sister, and I know that you'll soon be the best mom to your child, I want you to know that we're here for you. Forget about the man who left you, focused your attention to your baby, I know that this won't be an easy journey but we have your back", I was speechless, my tears fell, I could not contain my happiness, I was longing for that words, finally my dad had accepted it. That moment forward I feel really happy and blessed.

I know people will judge me but I don't care, as long as I have my family with me. I will only look at them with a smile on my face. I am not born to please anyone, I know I can't stop them from judging me. Some people judge every single mom without knowing their story, maybe it's time for you to know mine. This blog series will tackle my journey about being a single mom. I'm hoping that this series will help and inspire someone who went through a lot in raising a child alone, may you be a single dad or single mom. You are not alone in this journey. Now that I am going to publish the first part of this series, I hope you'll read the next one, entitled "THE PREPARATION".

This post was originally posted on my blog and reposting it here to share my story and probably to inspire other people who went through difficult phase in life. That no matter how hard life is, God is always there to guide you.